1 year, 10 months, 22 days including today, the last one. I stand here alone on the outer deck of the ship that brought me here nearly two years ago watching the country that has been my home slip further and further into the horizon. The reasons for my departure are for now best left unwritten as they still lie to heavy on my heart, needless to say it is not what I want, but what is for the best. Too many times in life are those two things, so unalike in nature, stand side by side with sense and reason. Goodbye however does not have to be forever, things never truly end, they just change, and we must change with them or be left behind alone. I as a person who finds change difficult will find this a challenge, but it’s a situation that I know is hard on all involved, I am not alone in my sorrow. This is just something that’s happened that nobody wanted, and noones to blame.
The door to Edinburgh is not closed forever and I would like to imagine a time I will once again walk the city streets, find my footsteps fall along the walkways by the canals, and step through the woodlands that are hidden in the very heart of that wonderful city. Home is where the heart is, or so the saying goes and a part of my heart still lies in Edinburgh, and I find that to be a comforting thought. Things change, people change, hearts change but some things stay the same, some things endure, some things are a fixed point that defy logic and reason and remain forever embedded in our souls. Those things are what stay with us in memory, that remind us with a smile, that it isn’t the end of the world, that you are strong enough, that this doesn’t mean you are not good enough, that life is precious and that you are loved. It’s like the missing lyrics to a song, the words left unsaid, the lamenting of what was with the hope of whats to come, and the reassurance of what always will be. It’s finding something hidden in the flickering pages of tomorrow that makes everything worth going through, that makes the past shine brighter and the present feel more hopeful.