Grump: A Little Story

All characters depicted in this post are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

I thought it best to begin with that disclaimer for any litigious mother fuckers out there. Yes I am about to go on a grump! This “story” that I heard about a shop assistant and a rude customer made me pretty grumpy and I thought I would share it!

So what happened is this guy, lets call him Count Tyrone Rugen, left his bank card at the store where the shop assistant, let’s call him Inigo Montoya, works. Inigo Montoya, being an honourable, prudent and knowledgeable man with wisdom and insight called the bank to report the card lost. The bank thanked Inigo Montoya, for his charitable act of selflessness and instructed our hero to destroy the card and that they would contact Count Tyrone Rugen to inform him thusly of all that transpired.  Inigo Montoya, following the banks instructions held his magical sword aloft and with the power of greyskull smites said card with all the might of gods and men!

Days passed and Count Tyrone Rugen, informed by the bank of what had happened, returned to the shop to claim his card.  Obviously not well informed or he would have known his card was destroyed by the might of a magical sword that had been blessed by all of the gods of dwarfs orcs and men. Count Tyrone Rugen was less than happy about this but more than rude to Inigo Montoya, who over the phone tried his best to explain the situation. However Count Tyrone Rugen was having none of the explanation. No he was more interested in assigning blame to anyone but himself, a trait of the poorly educated, than listening to an explanation.  The diatrim of abuse continued over the phone with the mono syllabic, knuckle dragging, mouth breathing halfwit Count Tyrone Rugen shouting blaming and harassing Inigo Montoya over and over again. Inigo Montoya, ever trying to be the keeper of the peace, continued his attempt to explain the situation to Count Tyrone Rugen, stating it was under directions from the bank that his card was destroyed. That if fault was to be found it lay with them or more so with himself for leaving it in store. This only engaged the simple, almost infant like mind of Count Tyrone Rugen, who went into an almost apocalyptic fit of rage at which time Inigo Montoya bored of the situation and of having to deal with this man whose intellect was rivaled only by garden tools, promptly hung up.

So our story is at an end… and my frump is subsiding.  I really cannot stand people who blame others for the misfortune they bring on themselves, what annoys me further is this stupid man, who couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the directions were written on the heel, still didn’t see that it was not the assistants fault! TWAT!  I would like to say that though the names of Inigo Montoya and Count Tyrone Rugen are fictional characters from The Princess Bride, no disrespect is intended to them.

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Grumps: Pedestrians #1

You know who I’m talking about those halfits who intentionally take up the whole footpath, who saunter about like they own the whole damn street and us mere commoners must wait behind them or cross the road to get past… I loathe them! I have put #1 as there ate many different types of these assholes in the world and to talk about all of them at once will send me into a rage rather than a grump!

The first and most despicable type of ignorant pedestrian to focus your hatred towards in my opinion are the halfwit  families who walk four abreast across the path and expect the rest of us to dodge around them.  I spotted one of these knuckle dragging apes today, the sorta man who’s married his cousin and the offspring look like the rejects from some backwater circus freak show. He seriously got on my nerves as I was trapped walking behind him, totally expecting me to move onto the road rather than have his troupe of misfortunates make way. He noticed me rightly as I first tried to get past on the inside to no avail, then through the middle until I was blocked off. Ignorant bastard. It would not be half as bad if they walked at a pace that wasn’t so close to reverse. I guess walking and breathing is too much for the tiny minded fool. So with a loud “excuse me” that may as well of been “fucking move” on my part I got past. Seriously have some courtesy for your fellow pedestrian and give way. I’m not against a leisurely stroll but some of us have places to be so move the fuck over when you know you’re in the way or go to a park… or try the road!